No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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