You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The air was thick with penises
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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