i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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