3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
