I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
