you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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