Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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