i permit you to call me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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