I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
