Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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