I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
