I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
