Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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