maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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