This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
