dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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