why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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