Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
