i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
All I want is dick and wine.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
