we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
