he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
tell me about the fingering
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