I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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