Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Did I show you my penis last night?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
