Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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