Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
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You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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