Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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