You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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