Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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