i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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