Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
