Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
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They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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