I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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