as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
