Can i not drive my cunt home
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
we're so committed to being not committed
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
