everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just gift wrapped bread.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
