Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
