Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
