I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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