I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
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I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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