Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Couch. On fire.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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