Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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