There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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