he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize