Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My ass is underappreciated
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
