thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i've created a new STD.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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