i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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