Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
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I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....