Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning