it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?