but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
