Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.