I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
