do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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