I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
