I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
