guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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