He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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