HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
