she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
