sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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