I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
