Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
