I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize