Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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