Pappa wants mamma naked
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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