I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
