You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
