You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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